WOW. I had a huge epiphamy this week.
As many of you know we have been floundering around for quite some time now. TRYING to figure out what to do with our lives.
Should I go back to work?
Should my husband change jobs?
Should we sell the house?
Should we not sell the house?
Should we homeschool?
Should we have a garage sale and liquidate everything?
Should we keep on as we are?
Then as time went on, the should WE, became should I? And thats when the self pity, the depression and the agonizing pain took over my well-being. I pushed away friends, I ignored obligations, I closed myself up in the cocoon. Rationalizing that I needed to be alone to hear what God wanted me to do! After all, I KNEW that I was waiting for my next big PROJECT and I didnt want to miss His orders.
But then He DID speak to me...He didnt tell me where to list my house. He didnt tell me where to get a job (in fact he slammed more doors in that area than he opened). He didnt even give me a hint as to where our future was heading (even tho it was quite evident to me it was heading for someplace NOT fun).
He didnt hand me a box of bandaids and tell me that all was going to be ok.
No...the Lord spoke to me...
and told me I had already received my orders.
Hes already GIVEN me my to-do list. How many times have we told our children that they must do something to get something else? Keep your room tidy and you can play outside, Eat your veggies and youll get dessert, or well...you get the idea. God said to me...Becky--I have already asked you to be a mother to your babies, I have given you a man that needs a loving and an obedient wife, you have countless friends that depend on you and need your friendship, you have a home that is supposed to be sale ready, you have a temple (your body) that should be in the best working order and I have called you to be a Christian Warrior.
WHOA---Now wait a minute Jesus...I do all those things. I am a good mom, my husband is cared for, I am healthy, I do and I do and I do....well ok...so I am falling short in every single area. I cant lie to you, after all...you already know.
Now before I go on...please let me explain I DO NOT believe that you have to EARN God's graces. PLEASE do not misunderstand me. I KNOW that God loves me and I have countless blessings. But I also know that God is molding me and shaping me to be as Hed like me to be and unfortunately to do that, it generally means a good reprimanding too.
God has not asked me to sell my house. He has asked me to have my house in SELLING CONDITION, He will sell my house.
God has not asked me to control every aspect of my children's lives, He has asked me to guide them, love them and raise them, He will control them.
God has not asked me to serve my husband as a chore, but to Love him, He will do the other stuff.
I could go on here for hours. But lets just say I have a brand new outlook on my TO-DO list for Jesus.
In the Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:10 says: Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might...
When they were building the wonderful Mt. Rushmore monument each ping of a hammer had to be exact. I mean, really....could you go in at the end of the day and say--sorry Boss, I accidently broke George Washington's nose off, you can just take it out of my paycheck alright? No, they had to be precise. They had to work with such exactness.
God has not revealed where our future is going. But He HAS revealed where my present should be. He has revealed that I need more exactness in my life too. How bout you? How do YOU size up? If you have already mastered this great thing that I just got the AHA! moment over, could you please sit a little closer to me so I can learn the ropes and succeed too??
Go and be blessed!